As a child we are innocent and inquisitive, the world is an adventure and our playground, there are no limits to our vision and our dreams are as vivid as our beliefs in them, a simple stick fallen from a tree could be a boys mighty sword or to a girl, her luxurious wand.
Our sense of selves were being formed through our interactions with the world and society. Unfazed by the pressures to fit in, we were authentic and unapologetically our true selves.
We grow up and in most cases are integrated into the rat race of society, the race is a figure eight track, you may have become dizzy or thought you have been here before, there are off roads leading to country routes with endless directions, but they are small and if you are running to fast and watching only your position in the race you will continue to miss the path. Those who are not on the eight track are the 1%
In a world where everyone is running to fit in, the complication is that popularity is to be unique and confident in your difference, you cannot be the same as the popular person by being them. There can only be one and that person is taken, so find who you are and what makes you unique, embrace the immense presence you bring to the world and you will know longer be running to keep up, you will be walking your own path and at your own pace.
No one can walk your path but you, your development of character will not improve by placing your banner on another. You cannot build muscle by buying a gym membership and sending a friend to train on your membership, their strain in the gym will only improve their growth. Reap the rewards of life, for life is the journey, the strain of life is what strengthens our will of character, to follow others is bringing your true self to its death.
Being still in yourself and finding solace and silence in your self allows for you to become aware of yourself and to be able to hear your inner voice instead of the judgment and opinions that keep you running.
People will give us their observations but we are giving it meaning, and so we get to choose what those meanings are. Right now choose to live life by the meaning and direction of your own doing, every time someone puts in a destination on your satnav you will 100% of the time end up where that someone took you. Pull over, check your direction and ask is this where I want to be heading, if not alter your destination and plan a new route, life is an open road you get to choose the road.
Choose an environment or place that you have found to be calming and cut yourself off from the world for the moment to delve into the essence of you.
Take a blank sheet of paper and take a few coloured pens to bring to light your image on the page soon.
Now before you begin ask yourself who am I, ask yourself in what context am I referring too?
Who am I as a:-
- The role in a relationship
For now I will assume you are referring to, who am I, as a person? as it is the main issue people identify with. The reason is as follows. If I was to give you this statement, I am large, I am strong, love to climb and the taste of fruit, what am I? If I was to have asked you the same question but this time say who am I? You may come up with another answer, the first time you may have come up with a gorilla, were as now you see it as a person for people associate WHO with that of a human being.
Yet we can go further and say to a man, who are you as a person? To which he could respond with:
I am a doctor
A human being
I am a farther
An introvert ect
So it is important to know the specifics to the question we wish to ask.
So before we can answer the question we need to know what makes up who we are.
- Identity is what I am.
- Personality is how I behaviour – (conscious and subjective)
- Character is who I am – (unconscious and objective)
So now the question is what is my character made up of, answering these questions will give the answer to who am I?
Our character or characteristics are the in bended beliefs, values, ethics and morals we hold of the world around us, those around us and of ourselves. These have all been developed through the beliefs we have made from the course of our lives by the environment, situations and people we meet.
What I would use here is a technique from NLP called TimeLine, the time line is made up of your past memories, your present state and future perceptions. This technique is used to allow you to tap into the earliest memories to where you truly felt like as if you was yourself, establishing how you behaved, how you saw the world, your beliefs of the world and how you handled and handle life’s situations, we then look at what may have changed within you and why, did the beliefs you have alter to help you or did they hinder.
The issue with finding one’s self is that we find who we are in the present state, that being our behaviours, values, beliefs ect and what we find is that there is a conflict between what I would call the conflict of character, that being your present you is fighting against the beliefs that either are of your true feelings or outdated beliefs that no longer represent the developed you. You will know which is right for you, for you will experience a sense of discomfort and hesitance in your behaviour if you are not being your true self, when you are truly yourself, there is no hesitance in your actions, you are happy and feel fulfilled and full of joy.
Imagine a pine tree in the woods, in it true state it was created to grow mighty, create oxygen, be a home for wildlife, provide shade and to produce more pine trees. Yet the tree on its path was altered by humans need to fill a gap, we cut down the tree, trimmed it to fit our physical preference, added lights, tinsels, bulbuls and we added either a star or an angel to the head of the tree.
Ask yourself now, as if you was the tree, who am I? Am I a Christmas tree or a pine tree?
The answer is yours to choose, but the right answer to you would be the one that makes you feel connected to it rather than confused and distant from it. We all know what is right for us, but we choose things that are not connected to us to please the EGO within us so we can be accepted by others.
Recognise your ego, when it speaks and when it moves you, do not make an enemy of the ego, just become aware. There is an illustration a farther that once told his daughter. He said, “In life there are two wolfs that live inside us, one is lightness the other darkness, lightness creates joy, love, peace, she is all that is good. Darkness is impatience, anger, hate and all that is destructive. One of the two wolfs dictate how your life will be”. The daughter asked, “but farther which wolf will control my life?” the farther replied, “the one you feed”.
From this illustration I would suggest that these wolfs are the EGO and the YOU. The EGO looks at the future, it cannot be in the present, the ego feels threatened and is always on the defensive, fear arises through excessive mind activity and the ego wants to know what is going to happen in the future. It speaks to you through pride, the acceptance of others and selfish gratification.
The YOU is the authentic you spoken through what many call the gut instinct, it is the recognition that either your thoughts, behaviour, situation, event or person you are with is either in connection with your beliefs, morals, ethics or values or that they are against them. This would be felt through worry and the feeling of doubt. Train yourself in emotional intelligence this will create Self-awareness, combined, these two are the path to self-control. So be aware of when the EGO speaks but don't give energy to it, for where energy goes action follows, for through every action is a reaction, now you will receive the reaction of your choosing.